The Crass Picture Show

The Crass Picture Show

In addition to Ms. Mentor, I also love Miss Manners. And I am sick and bloody tired of spending many dollars on a movie experience, only to have morons piss me off. If they're not text-messaging, they're actually talking on the phone. If they're not talking out loud, they're whispering. I particularly hate it when a couple is nearby and the man takes it upon himself to Explain the Movie to his date, who no doubt would be capable of understanding what was happening if he WOULD ONLY JUST SHUT UP for a minute. This happens a lot at sci/fi and fantasy movies, because, you know, science fiction is so Manly and Complicated, no mere girl could possibly understand what is happening.

example: I went to see Pride & Prejudice recently in Pensacola. It is a quiet, subtle movie, and definitely for grownups. A man down the row from me talked in his wife's ear throughout the movie. I mean, a running commentary. In a speaking voice, not a whisper, and he had a deep voice, so the rumble carried over to me. I shushed several times but to no avail. After the movie I stood up, looked at him and said "was that you talking through the whole movie? Maybe you should not talk during movies any more." And his WIFE apologized. Not him, his wife. I'm sure she has learned to tune him out, but for the love of bog, shut up in the movie theater, and talk about it later!! Why bother to pay the prices to see a movie in the theater if you're not going to pay attention to it?

My other recent movie irritation was the woman who said, when I asked her child (very politely) to please not talk during the movie, the mother said "He's talking to me!". Well, so? You should both shut up! Jeebus. He was old enough to understand it, and if he can't sit still and be quiet for 2 hours, she should wait for the movie to be out on video.

Well, and then there are the people who bring very small children to adult movies with scary stuff in them. No two-year-old needs to be in a movie theater watching a PG movie, ever. I expect childish noise at a G-rated kid movie, but not at anything more mature. Do these people not have babysitters? Can they not trade babysitting with friends & family if they can't afford to pay a babysitter?

Sigh. If I'm going to spend twenty bucks, I just want a nice peaceful movie experience, so I can lose myself in the action and not be constantly pulled out of it by rudeness around me. I have a friend who always has to sit in the back row, far away from everybody, so she doesn't end up in a fist fight with some rude bastard.

Miss Manners is right: they need to hire ushers who can boot people out when they're being rude.