Monday, February 23, 2009

Tomorrow, McComb, Mississippi

Wednesday, Los Angeles.

Ah, my glamorous life.

I have a lot of half-written posts swimming around in my head, about the trials and tribulations of being a hetero radical feminist, for one thing, and then there was this review of The Other Boleyn Girl I was going to write (right on the tip of the news cycle, I am, right?), but then my students, damn it, gave me another freakin cold and so I have spent the last four or five days on the sofa sampling the absolute worst cable TV has to offer. I mean, for one thing: Sober House. I thought addicts were self-absorbed toxic motherfuckers. Until I met: celebrity addicts. Cheesus Fucking Christ on a Cracker. The entitlement! The stupidity! It's not a train wreck, it's a train wreck on the Titanic, with a side of the Inferno. Hey guys, we're four days out of rehab. Let's go clubbing! Idiots. The poor women on that show need man rehab. Like 28 days without men bossing them around and treating them like meat, and then an all-female sober house. And no boyfriends. Gah. So much to blame, so little time.

So anyway, I am off to a conference in Los Angeles later this week. If I see any of those celebrity addicts I'll let y'all know.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

new favorite swear word

I have a bad habit of saying "son of a bitch" for various sweary reasons. Family legend has it that it was, in fact, my very first swear word (awwww!). At the age of two or three, I was in the car with my dad, he hit the brakes pretty hard, and I piped up with a toddler-sized "son of a bitch!". Dad came home feeling rather sweary with Mom, who hadn't realized I was listening and learning that one says "son of a bitch" when one has to slam on the breaks.

Having decided to try to eliminate anti-female gendered slurs from my swearing vocabulary, I've replaced "bitch" with "asshole", for example. I never did use the four-letter c-word, in case anyone is wondering. I finally - finally - after cogitating and wondering for some time - came up with my New Favorite Swear Word. Are you ready? Because it's awesome.


Say it loud, say it proud: SON. OF. A. COCK.

So satisfying. So pointy. So leaving-other-women-out-of-it. There's really been quite enough mother-blaming in the world. I'm quite happy, however, to blame somebody's behavior on his father. Son of a COCK!

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

not really news

Rich people don't pay taxes. Everyone knows this. Why is anyone surprised that Democrats and Republicans alike are guilty of avoiding taxes whenever possible?

I mean, duh.

Monday, February 02, 2009


So, I've turned into the sort of person who says, upon being notified of an engagement, "Congratulations... wait a minute, are you even old enough to get married?" And then, upon being informed that the betrothed are 18 and 20, proceed to tell them that they are far too young to be married, in fact, I was married at 19 and it was MUCH TOO YOUNG, and they should wait.

I'm pretty sure Miss Manners wouldn't approve.

So now I'm faced with the dilemma of responding to the news that a friend is pregnant with twins, a FORTYISH friend, and all I can think of to say, I swear to Maude, is:

"Better you than me!"

Perhaps I shall let the moment pass in silence.