Dear Designer People:

Could you all maybe schedule a year with some purple in it sometime soon? Because all of these yellowy greens and aqua blues and bright glossy oranges and Chinese reds are harshing my mellow. There are SO many lovely shades of purple: aubergines, plums and lavenders, lilacs and magentas and violets, oh my. Grapes! Don't forget the grapes!

But for quite a few years now, the only purple in Design Land is an astringent synthetic purple that they're using in children's decor at big box stores. It just won't do.

I need grown-up purples, the kind with chocolatey tones, with ruby tones, the colors of amethyst and jasper and purple sapphires and topazes. Purple tulips and pansies and day lilies. There are really a LOT of nice purples there, waiting to be picked, standing on the design sidelines with their hands in the air shouting, "Me! Me! I'm pretty, too! pick me!" Bless their little purple hearts, they're lonely. Purple looks good with brown and with black and red and dark blues, and of course PINK, and warm rich purples look nice with all kinds of wood and stone and metal. There's nothing richer than purple velvet. It's the color of kings AND queens!

Look, look at these:

Purple Gemstones!

Isn't it time for *purple*, designer people?

Sincerely,
Jezebella

PS: Indigo! Petunia! PRINCE! Please?

anti-feminist bingo

For noting on the Apartment Therapy comment section that the aforementioned BigA$$Pinata was offensive, I got piled on by a bunch of design snobs, who were defending, let us be clear, a tacky piece of crap.

It was anti-feminist bingo in in time at all:

'It's funny. You have no sense of humor. Lighten up.'
'Why are you upset over something so trivial?'
'I'm a feminist and I think it's funny.'
'Fretting about little stuff does a disservice to *real* women's issues' (thanks for the backup, sister!)
I got called a slut in a sideways sort of way (non sequitur mention of a "walk of shame"?), spoken to with condescension, and of course told to "get over it."
Oh, and the same dude suggested that it had been too long since I'd seen a naked ass - I would call that the slightly subtle equivalent of telling me I need to get laid.
Ah, also, several people explained to me, as though I were five, that beating a pinata is NOT the same thing as beating a woman. Because I obviously am not smart enough to tell the difference between a real woman and a disembodied female body part product.


Over, LET US BE CLEAR: a tacky piece of kitschy crap.

Man, the d00dz, they sure don't like having their love of disembodied female body parts criticized. And the d00dz, what they don't get is that I tossed off a snarky comment and only entered a so-called flame war after being piled on by a bunch of assholes. Oh, yeah, I was told that name-calling wasn't a good rhetorical move. Thanks, man. Appreciate that. By the time I called one dude an idiot and another one an ass-hat, it was clear that adult conversation with either would be impossible, so why not just let it rip, I say? Asshats. Idiots.

Lesson learned: Let no one be fooled by a slick modern apartment full of tasteful decor: a dude with Eames chairs is just as likely to be an ass as a dude with a plaid recliner and a painting of dogs playing poker.

misogyny in design today

Inspired by Shakesville's "Today in Disembodied Things" series, I bring you two new objects to heap your scorn upon.

First up, the "Big Ass Pinata," brought to my attention by Apartment Therapy for some reason.

I mean, not only is it offensive and sexist, it's just not an interesting or original product. I am loathe to link to the company in question, so find it yourself with your google-fu if you're interested. After several commenters noted that it was sexist and offensive, the "what about teh menz" contingent appeared with the "How do you know it's not a man's ass?! (because of the exaggerated hip-to-waist ratio, idiot!), and "why are you assuming they don't sell a male version?" (because I checked the website, dipshit!).



Point being: violence against women is neither fun nor funny. Neither is beating the crap out of a disembodied female ass.


Next up, Pharrell Williams' "Perspective Chair".


Huh huh huh, said Beavis, it looks like they're DOING IT. Yeah, that's fucking hilarious. Or is it sexy? Or stupid? It's such a fine line.

Allen Jones did it what, forty years ago? Please. It was offensive when it was done with some measure of aesthetic quality. Here it's offensive AND ugly.

Mid-Century Modern comes to New Orleans

I skim the catalogs of the major New Orleans auction houses regularly, and for the most part, the furniture is gilded and/or Frenchy, but changes are afoot. A solid representation of Chinese antiques and whatnots has shown up in recent catalogues, and this month, a small but excellent selection of awesome mid-century modern stuff is up at New Orleans Auction.

I do not love Frenchy foo-foo things much, especially not in large quantities. In fact, just about any style named after a monarch, I'm not so much into. It's too shiny and ostentatious for me.

For example: O these Charles & Ray Eames for Herman Miller recliners! I effin LUFF these chairs with a mighty passion. If you really loved me, you'd buy me one. Also, you would purchase for me the services of a cat trainer who will keep my quattro cats from destroying it.



If you loved me even more, you'd buy me this fantastic painting by NOLA artist Ida Kohlmeyer:



I would also not be opposed to owning this charming suite of Herman Miller chairs, also designed by Charles & Ray Eames:




Although I am in general not big into vast tracts of French Provincial quaintness, my OCD organizer self loves this a LOT, because I love things with tiny little compartments for the organizing of small things:



Unfortunately it also reminds me of that Friends episode where where Ross and Rachel both buy an apothecary cabinet from Pottery Barn, but Rachel tells Phoebe it's a flea market find, and Phoebe goes on this awesome Pottery Barn rant, but then she ends up loving it anyway.

All images from: New Orleans Auction

Icon of 'Oughties Design

I've lately become obsessed with the Apartment Therapy website. They're running a design contest for "Small Cool" spaces that are lived in by actual people - not designed for photographic purposes only. I haven't counted *exactly* but it seems to me that almost half of the people own the Ikea PS cabinet, mainly in white but occasionally in red. And I confess, I kind of covet it, especially now that I've visited the website and see that it's only $99, AND it's made of metal, not particle board. I have vowed to never again buy particle board ANYTHING, so the majority of Ikea products are not coming into my house. The Ikea PS cabinet, though, it's pretty hot. Especially in red.

Unfortunately, I have a feeling the Ikea PS will become a diagnostic of 'Oughties design. So: buy something cheap that will be dated in a few years because it gives you the grins, or pass it by because, really, you don't *need* a new TV cabinet? I just can't decide.