Tuesday, November 25, 2008

repetitive

i keep dating the same guy, over and over, and he is an emotional teenager. i've given up, quit cold turkey, but i keep being reminded of that guy. the guy with the bad habits, the dark hair, the jokes he tells over and over and over again, getting huffy if people don't think they're funny the thousandth time. the guy who reads a lot, isn't ambitious, in fact lacks anything resembling a career, he likes scifi and fantasy, he's liberal and non-religious but, alas, completely unaware of his male privilege. he, like me, has working class origins although a middle-class-ish childhood. have i mentioned his bad habits and his bad jokes? his narcissistic self-doubt? i don't know who he is but i dated versions of him for almost twenty years before i learned to spot him, and now i see him, my spidey-sense tingles and ah, yes, i say, here comes trouble. there's another one. that guy. i wish he'd grow up, give up his bad habits, because he and i, we'd get along like a house afire if only... if only he was a completely different person. one without bad habits and the emotional depth of a teaspoon. yeah. then he wouldn't be that guy any more.

4 comments:

jael said...

the worst bit always is though that you find that same man attractive. time, and time again. anyway... Luck!@

Jezebella said...

Oh, bog, YES. In fact, if I find myself attracted to someone I see, I immediately have to stop and do a check: is he that guy? And, inevitably, he is. I can stop dating them, but I haven't figured out how to stop finding them attractive.

Auberginefleur said...

Sounds like my ex-fiance. Wonder if my present guy will turn out to be the same.

jael said...

the attractiveness is the rub.

hypnotherapy, perhaps? or can you pavlovian condition yourself with something painful? fuck; i don't know.

it's amazing how many forms he takes, whatever the particular poison is. ugh.

i wish i could offer you a solution. however - i can say GO DO THAT MEDITATION! :) that seems to help with everything, maybe with this too :) atleast possibly transcending the attractiveness part.