Monday, March 03, 2008

I Can Make You Thin!

Yes, yes I can. No need to watch the show of the same name. No boring diets, no tedious exercise, no equipment, no counting calories or carbs or points or fat grams. Follow my quick-and-easy program for Getting Thin and you'll have people complimenting you on your new, trim figure in just weeks.

1. Depending on your budget, go out and buy either crack, methamphetamine, heroin, or powder cocaine. If you like the downs, go heroin; if you like the ups, any of the other three will do.

2. Whenever you feel hungry, pop a needle, light a pipe, or snort a rail.

3. When that pesky hunger comes back, repeat step 2.

There you go! All done! You can be thin! Yes, you can do it!

[Disclaimer: Yo! Redux makes no claims for the health benefits of this reducing program, and declines all legal responsibility for side effects, which may include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, dizziness, dry mouth, meth mouth, collapsed veins, poverty, addiction, rehab, divorce, loss of child custody, and death.]

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