Monday, June 11, 2007

It's mammogram time!

A few observations on the annual Mashing of the Boobs:

1. My mammogram occurred at the new "women's center" in Nearby College Town. In the womens' center ob/gyn services, the Breast Center, and, get this: Plastic Fucking Surgery! Because, you know, women are tits, twats, and artificial beauty. I can't tell you how much this irritates me. When my gynecologist told me last year about this new development, I wondered aloud whether they would put a plastic surgery clinic in a "men's center." She just sort of raised her eyebrows and made no comment. Look, they need to build a men's center with the pee-pee doctor, the prostate doctor, plastic surgery, hair clinic, and perhaps a re-education center...sigh. Fucking patriarchy.

2. This year, instead of scotch-taping tiny BB's to the nipples, they have a fancy new product that is so very Feminine, so Girly, it totally negated the pain, discomfort, and general feeling of angst that accompanies the mashing of the boobs:

Isn't that SO much better? Pretty pink and purple flowers on the scotch tape!? Oh my, yes. I snuck them out of the clinic because I just knew I couldn't leave such pretty, pretty nipple-BB's behind!

I just hope that, when a man needs a mammogram, he gets the flowery stickers.

Of course, they probably just give them ultrasounds on account of they'd pass out from the pain. What a bunch of babies.


Militant Grammarian said...

Hi Jezebella,

Am I missing something here? Are yearly mammograms standard for the under-40s in the States? Or is it only for those with family history?

Jezebella said...

No, you're not missing anything. The recommendation in the US, at least from my doc, is a baseline at 35, then regular ones after 40.

I got a baseline at 35 that revealed a few lumps, which upon biopsy turned out to be benign cysts. However, because of the cysts, I have to get annual mammograms to keep an eye on them.