Friday, July 20, 2007

Hello, Dad? I'm in JAIL!!

Not really. I am back, safe and sound, but for the flames of hellfire licking at my heels. I have been roundly (and loudly) chastised for my wicked ways today. I have witnessed the pagan gods (and sex goddesses!) cast out of Birmingham so that JEEEEZus can reign over Alabama and end the holocaust of abortion mills, the evils of Islam, and the abomination of homosexuality.

And now, the torrential rains are coming towards me, so I am staying home even though I would really like to be in Hattiesburg at a Harry Potter release party. But yea! Lo! spaketh of thunder and lightning and fast-moving winds! The Internet, it doth cast a fear into me, a long-seated Pavlovian fear of driving in torrential rainpours, particularly after sunset.

And hark! Lest I forget the most important lesson of the day: Flip Benham himself informed me that THERE ARE NO ROBOTS IN HEAVEN!!! I am devastated by this revelation, laid low by the crashing wave of despondency, for I very much looked forward to having a robot serve me manna while lying on fluffy white clouds with winged angels. Alas. My dream is torn asunder. All is lost.

Oh, wait, never mind. I've got a pizza on the way. I'll be fine.

EDIT: That was NOT Flip Benham after all, telling me about the robots not going to heaven. It's just, you know, all those old white guys look alike. Who on earth can tell them apart??

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