Monday, December 31, 2007

on second thought...

I apologize to dog-kind. I should never have said such a terrible thing.

Dogs are loyal, kind, and honest. They do not troll the internet for a new girlfriend when they already have one. They do not lie or cheat, and when they steal (usually food) they have the decency to feel guilty about it. They are open with their feelings, and make every effort to pay attention to those of their humans. Dogs know when you need a hug, or a laugh, or to be left alone. Dogs are affectionate with no ulterior motives (well, except they might want scritches or a treat).

In conclusion, men are nothing like dogs.

Friday, December 28, 2007

on humor

If this does not make you laugh until you cry, your heart is tiny, withered, and black, and you're probably dead. Go to the hospital, stat.

on feminist anger

At first your anger runs hot like lava, but then it cools and solidifies like obsidian, sharper than steel and cool to the touch. You will learn to wield it when you want to, instead of letting the anger rule you. There will be new lava eruptions periodically, but you will find you know how to respond to them, even though the impact may come all unexpected. You will have episodes of righteous flaming indignation and table pounding, and you will have episodes of zen-like meta-blaming filled with sympathy (and empathy) for your fellow victims of the P.

It helps to remember that your friends are also oppressed by the patriarchy. It helps to remember that you, too, were once oblivious to the P. You can destroy your friends' illusions about the P with a thousand tiny cuts instead of a stick of dynamite. Have patience. Choose which relationships are beneficial to your mental and emotional health. Better to have a few allies than to drown in an ocean of acquaintances.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

o m g

Walmart, 1:11 am. Slightly less horrific than daytime walmart, but it takes a lot longer to check out. They don't have self-checkout fired up. The two NON-express registers are being operated by the s l o w e s t c a s h i e r s o n eeeeeeaaaaaaarrrrrrttttthhhhhh.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

my alma mater was never known for its football team

but this year, our football team made big sports news with a last-ditch multi-lateral-pass touchdown play against Millsaps.

check out the Mississippi Miracle.

crazy cat lady

Have I mentioned that I'm now officially a Crazy Cat Lady? A porch kitty convinced me to feed her one day. Shortly thereafter, she brought a friend. After that, two kittens. I think it's a mama-older sister-two kitties family unit, but anyway: I'm feeding them all. They present themselves at the back door - which is glass - and look alternately pathetic and pissed off at the empty state of their bowls. So now I'm feeding seven cats - three inside, four out - and I'm a crazy cat lady.

But I'm not a crazy cat lady with a piano, which is too bad, because then maybe I could make some money selling cat-playing-the-piano videos on the internet. Maybe I should get a videocamera. I wonder if people would like "cat snatching food off of mama's fork" videos?

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

and by the way, Britney Spears:

bless her heart.

teh crud returns

Everybody's been sick at the office, and now it's my turn. Came down on me like a ton of bricks last Friday at about 3:30, and have been hacking up a lung since then. Miserable, coughing, congestion, crud, yuck. Hence, my lack of posting as I am witless for the time being.

Must get well soon. Need to make fruitcake, bourbon balls, holiday mix CDs, wrap xmas presents, plan family xmas party, etc. etc.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

headed to the eastern frontier

I head off today into easterly portions of dumbfuckistan. Alabama, that is. Auburn. Home of the Crimson Tide. Oh, wait. University of Alabama is the Crimson Tide. Auburn are TIGERS. Glad I sorted THAT out before my job interview.

After a marathon job interview, I head to Pensacola for R&R with the Poet, my own personal tech support specialist, who I hope can figure out how to sync music files onto my new Treo phone. Which, by the way, have I mentioned that I'm in LOVE with my PHONE? It's a phone, web browser, PDA, camera, mp3 player, alarm clock, calculator, with a teeny keyboard for easier text messaging!! I can even use google maps while I'm traveling. It only lacks one thing: a GPS. If it included a GPS, it would be ideal. It's really the best new toy ever.

Now, if anybody has a suggestion for a man christmas present that is neither alcohol, clothing, nor books, I'd appreciate hearing about it. The poet doesn't drink and is par-ticular about his clothes and books, so I'm not even gonna TRY one of those.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

formal dressing for the tight-fisted

I have to wear formal attire once a year, to a work event. No-one is looking at me, because it's a social event for the hoity toity, and I'm, you know, WORKING. I refuse to spend a gazillion dollars on a new formal dress every year, for reasons of both frugality and tiny closets.

I have found the perfect solution. You need:

1. A floor-length black silk sleeveless sheath like this one:

















2. A knee-length 3/4 sleeve black velvet dress similar to this one:





















OR

2 simple dresses, black, that feel good and look good.

Either of these dresses can be worn alone or with a second layer or a wrap or shawl.

Wear alternate dresses (one year velvet, next year silk), and change the over-shirt/jacket. I promise, NO ONE WILL NOTICE.

Then, as you are bargain-shopping at the Maxx or Marshall's or Hudson's Salvage, find jacket-y things that you can wear over these.
Top layers are often far less expensive - especially if they've been separated from their other half on the way to the discount rack.

A sampling of top layers I have in my closet:

- a floor-length "coat" - cut kind of like a duster - in sheer, shimmery green/blue taffeta
($12, discounted from $250, at Hudson's Dirt Cheap)

- a red & black burnout-velvet jacket with flowy sleeves
($10, discounted from a $200 2-piece outfit, at Hudson's Salvage)

- a floor-length sheer black over-dress with beaded decorations and frog closures down the front (this was the original partner to the black sheath, the set about $125, but I've worn the sheath dress over and over)

I also purchased a pair of black, beaded satin flats that go with all of these outfits for $30, and I wear them with black tights. Again: no one is looking at me, I'm working and therefore on my feet all night, and I do not get paid enough to buy a new outfit every year. I'm pretty much set for the next 5 years, at least, but I am always on the lookout for another top layer at a bargain price.

I also have a long black tulip skirt and a beaded top (TJ Maxx, $25), but have yet to locate other good tops to go with the skirt. Actual formal tops have proved to be a lot harder to find than formal top layers.

And that, dear readers, is your sartorial advice for the day.

* Despite having developed this collection of interchangeable formal wear, I still have a yen for a tuxedo, which I could then wear to EVERYTHING for years, like men do.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

restruction of the destruction

Apparently I am in the mood for giant robots today:



My first thought upon opening the video was: "Don't these fools know they shouldn't stand so close to a Survival Research Laboratories show?" My second thought was, "I told you so!" Damn, of COURSE shit is going to get set on fire and go sailing into the crowd. That's why they don't announce or get licenses for their shows. They CAN'T. I've loved SRL for many a year and I love that Mark Pauline is still pursuing his nutsy destructo-robot performance art vision. I just wish I could find footage of his hamster-driven robot on youtube.

You can see more pics from this event at the Laughing Squid.

Monday, December 10, 2007

more xmas advice

If you, like me, are a damned heathen, you probably hate being forced to go to holiday church by parental units and the like. Mom says, pathetically, "All I want for christmas is my family to go to church with me, just this one time of year."* And so we troop off to godbag central, which is admittedly, not as godbaggy as a lot of churches, being a mainstream WASPy version of Presbyterian. Nonetheless: I am not down with the sky god and his heavenly concierge, Jesu.

So, I roll my eyes, gird my loins, have a cocktail or three before departure, and do my daughterly duty. Just this once! For mEEEE!!! I go. And I sit in the pew and read the Bible, but only the naughty bits. I'm fond of Song of Solomon (for the sexy bits) and the Book of Revelation (if you want horrorshow trippy bits). In this way I can tune out the terrible xmas tunes and the droning of the minister, and yet I cannot be faulted for reading the bible in church. I mean, it's the HOLY Bible! And I'm in CHURCH!

* Y'know, it's what she SAYS, but I'd be damned with the hairy stinkeye of maternal disapproval if that was, indeed, her only christmas present.

xmas stuff

I'm just not feeling the xmas vibe this year. Just about everyone I know has Too Much Stuff. I include myself in this category. Best to give consumable items, I think. Champagne, baked goods, & calendars may be in order.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

December 6, 1989

a message from my fellow radfem, howlingmonkey, a message I felt needed reposting:

On December 6, 1989 14 women were killed by a lone gunman at l'École Polytechnique in Montreal. He separated the women from the men, and then he shot them down. Because they were women.

(more info here: http://archives.cbc.ca/IDD-1-70-398/disasters_tragedies/montreal_massacre/)

The incident was a wake up call for many of us in Canada as we realized that the incident at École Polytechnique was a symptom of the larger problem of a vehemently misogynist society where violence against women is endemic and indeed encouraged. The day stands in my mind as one of the pivotal moments in my life. It was on December 7 at the age of 12 upon learning of the murders that I first called myself a feminist. I didn't understand much, but I understood enough to know that what happened to them could happen to any of us.

In Canada December 6 is day of remembrance (sort of like a November 11 or memorial day for women). I'd like to take a moment to honour and remember those women who have fallen. École Polytechnique. Vancouver Eastside. Eastern Congo. Afghanistan. The whole world.

Let's take a moment today, wherever we may be, to remember and honour women everywhere who are impacted by men's violence.

Let's remember today, so we can wake up tomorrow and keep fighting.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

uh huh

feral celery

drive-by body pierce

get crazy with the cheez whiz

ka-sheep-ity

Monday, December 03, 2007

1 week late, or 51 weeks early

Whichever the case, William S. Burroughs is genius. I miss that guy. I saw him speak at The Nova Convention Revisited in Lawrence, KS, back in the late 90s. He could've read a phone book and I'd have been on the edge of my seat. Of course he didn't. He talked about art and using his fame as a writer to get a museum exhibition and I don't know what all any more, but it was mesmerizing. I was on the fourth row, center. Debbie Harry performed, and Laurie Anderson, and Patti Smith (who scared the crap out of me by stalking back and forth the front of the stage and sneering at us), and Gregory Corso talking about fooling around with Andy Warhol, something about shoes and ejaculation. That whole night was a high point in my cultural life.