In advance of a good night's sleep...

I bring to you the collected wit and wisdom of a woman who has never once fallen asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. But I'm working on it.

1. Take your TV out of the bedroom (this will improve your sleep AND your sex life)

2. Get rid of the bright eye of time, the glowing digital clock. You don't need to know what time it is every time you open your eyes. I use the cell phone as my alarm clock, and if I really, really, need to know, I can push a button.

3. Room-darkening shades. Less than $30/window at lowe's, custom cut to size. These ROCK.

4. Memory foam pillow. Whatever brand... memory foam = memory foam = memory foam. No more waking up to adjust a scrunchy or flattened pillow.

5. Memory foam mattress. Switching to it means every time a cat jumps on or off the bed, there's no bounce to wake me up. Plus it's really cool to buy the one in the box from sam's that is vacuum-packed and watch it unroll and reinflate after you cut the seal, like an enormous bag of freeze-dried, vacuum-packed coffee. Also the mattress in the box can fit in your car trunk, unlike a flat mattress.

6. For winter, two things: a down comforter, and one of those oil-filled radiators. I got a deLonghi from Lowe's for about $35. It doesn't blow a bunch of dry air up your nose and doesn't turn on and off, making noises. I can turn my central down to 60 and the radiator keeps my whole room toasty warm. The down comforter helps maintain a constant temperature.

7. A small fan for white noise purposes. This can also blow the radiated-warm air around the room in winter.

8. Sleep mask. I have a big head (big brain needs lots of room!) so all the elastic ones suck. Whole foods sells one with a satiny one with an adjustable strap (velcro is your friend).

9. Nice scenty lotion that I put on my hands right before bed every night, in an attempt to pavlov myself to sleep. The sleep mask/eucalyptus lotion is my current pavlov's bell for sleep.

10. No caffeine after 5 pm. Invest in decaf coffee, tea, diet coke, whatever.

11. A wee bit of alcohol - not a lot - really does help shut down those stressful days. A glass of wine or a bourbon and coke (caffeine free) or a beer.